bad_ass_bitch (bad_ass_bitch) wrote,
bad_ass_bitch
bad_ass_bitch

 Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

 

mending says:

hey richy

mending says:

howz your sunny coast home?

mending says:

RICHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mending says:

richy doo!

Ditch says:

you now the same old same old

mending says:

yeah me too

mending says:

sam eold same old

Ditch says:

i don;t think you can say that anymore

Ditch says:

i mean your not the same as you where

mending says:

i am the same

mending says:

the same parts of me are there

mending says:

i'm just a ,little more cynical and a little more alone

Ditch says:

no way, ur like cyber heidi, all new and improved, you just got rid of the dead weight that was keeping you from shooting to the stars

Ditch says:

now the stars are the limit

mending says:

i was angry

mending says:

but i'm not anymore

mending says:

and i dont wantto think on that right now. i'm not sure where i am on it all

Ditch says:

thats kool, i'm angrey enough for the both of us

mending says:

i know he made he right desicion, but it doesn't take feeling away

Ditch says:

from now on you shall refer to me as ANGRY ME!

Ditch says:

i ment man, angry but still incopitant

mending says:

you were angry with him before this all happned

Ditch says:

shit if i wasn't on my way to crazy i would be worried about the way i spell things

mending says:

who cares

mending says:

i dont

mending says:

i spell shockin on eth comp

mending says:

dont give a shit

mending says:

hmm, i gotta go loo me

mending says:

brb

Ditch says:

thats good cuz no one wants to be given someone elses shit, metaphorical or otherwise

mending says:

gotat go drain

mending says:

hey

mending says:

can i tell you something kinda good i guess?

Ditch says:

its gonna hurt isn'tit

mending says:

i was thinking yesterday, after it has finally sunk in, that even if he did ask me back, i dont know if i would say yes

mending says:

i think i'm leaning towards a no

mending says:

he cant change that much

mending says:

and i put up with too much shit

mending says:

its gonna hurt for me

mending says:

hwo coudl i be so stupid?

Ditch says:

u hurt i hurt don't you realise that yet?

mending says:

yeah, i know

mending says:

but you hateed him anyway

Ditch says:

do you?

mending says:

maybe i dont know its full extent

mending says:

how much do you hurt?

Ditch says:

i hated him for my own reasons, they only had a little to do wityh you

mending says:

i know - so you hurting cos of this.. well i'm just saying you were hurting from him before i hurted from him

mending says:

hehe. grammar

mending says:

smal laughs

Ditch says:

he didn't hurt me, i'm strong like that, i can always protect myself, its when others hurt that i hurt most

mending says:

that is so ...

mending says:

idunno

mending says:

nice?

mending says:

i can find the word

mending says:

i think i've istanced myself too much from my emotions right now to know what that makes me feel

Ditch says:

nah its a massive flaw, first thing i gotta remove when the labotomy or electro shock therapy comes around

mending says:

its human rich

mending says:

its the friend you are

mending says:

its why we love yu so much

Ditch says:

just you guys, there is something about you guys

mending says:

you being serious?

Ditch says:

just you guys thats it

mending says:

yeah

mending says:

you guys are something special i'll give you taht much

mending says:

even sal all the way down sydney

mending says:

i call him so much and he never complains... he just runs my phone convos over 5 mins! he's gonan cost me a fortne!

mending says:

steen has cost me a fortune.... whether i'm with him messaging him. or trying to get over him callingh my freinds, he costs me a fortune

Ditch says:

gotta pay him a visit some time soon

Ditch says:

sal, not fucknuts

mending says:

hehehe

mending says:

i know

mending says:

leave fuck nuts alon

mending says:

i'm starting my own business

mending says:

'kick-em-in-the-balls-o-gram'

Ditch says:

revenge for hire? i can be the muscle?

mending says:

i thought of you. myfreind (who's going thru the exact sam ething at exact same time) she was jealous i had a freind that would do that for me

mending says:

but i know you wouldn't stop at the balls

mending says:

so i cant ask you

mending says:

i wish anya were a vengenace demon a nd alive right now

Ditch says:

how about refering me to that friend of youres i could release some pent up aggresion for a small fee

mending says:

but who am i kidding - i dot wnat him hurt, i just want him to be hurting like i am riht now

mending says:

hehehe

mending says:

i might

Ditch says:

give her my number, but no names, just ask for the magic eight ball, its the answer to all your problems

mending says:

hehe he. i like

mending says:

the mnagic 8 ball fucked me oevr

mending says:

over

mending says:

well i guess it was a bit ominous, but still. it fucked me over

Ditch says:

Hay, i did not... oh you mean like you trusted one of those five doller fifty things from toy world, jee i wonder what went wrong with that plan?

mending says:

hmmm., just fucked me over again

mending says:

nah it was a freebie frm subway

Ditch says:

much better,

Ditch says:

whats with the fuckin over whats wrong?

mending says:

fuck it

mending says:

i was just testing it to see if it said yes to everything, good and bad

mending says:

but it hit the nail on the head too strongly

mending says:

fucker! it cant be right

mending says:

fucker fucker fucker

Ditch says:

what was the questiong? and responce?

mending says:

several questiopns

Ditch says:

like?

mending says:

will we get back together, does he still pve me, that line

Ditch says:

oh

mending says:

then, shoudl richard kill him. does he deserve to do

mending says:

all strongish yesses

mending says:

i just thought well its just beinag ccomdating and it only has two negative answers anyway

mending says:

the i asked do i still love him, and its answer was teh strongest it can give. simple. yes

mending says:

and its true

Ditch says:

putt it this way, if you get back together with him, i WILL take matters into my own hands, regardless of what has been previously said

mending says:

so the fucker isn't lying

mending says:

its all true

mending says:

fucker

mending says:

its not your choice to make - its mine

mending says:

and its his

mending says:

but rightnow. i dont think i could

mending says:

i cantut myself here again

mending says:

thsi is enough to mak eme break up with any guy if they fick up a little

mending says:

whicjh is tupid cos we'rea ll human

Ditch says:

but i'm a wild card, i do what needs to be done, not what people want or what they think is right

mending says:

fuck him for making me feel this fucking way!

Ditch says:

heide, fuck him,, fuck him in his fucken ass!

mending says:

rich - i will say now. i aaprecaite your wisdom, your loyalty and your frienship beyond words, but whatever happens betwen me and steven ever agin, that is our chice and i dont care what you think need sto be done, it will be our chpices to make

mending says:

no - he'd like it too much

mending says:

fucker

mending says:

i wantto stick a pole up his fuckin ass like akebab and roast over hell a bit

mending says:

ruchy - seriuos question, have you ever been in love?

mending says:

i've never asked

mending says:

rich?

Ditch says:

i dont wanna say something i'll regret later, and i don't wanna lie

mending says:

just a yes or a no

mending says:

its all i need

Ditch says:

but its not that simple, as much as i would like it to be its not a yes orno answer, its all grey area

mending says:

ok. its impl efor me

mending says:

i am in love.

mending says:

i just wanted to ask... do you know how you get out of it? how you fall out of love?

Ditch says:

how do you know you are in love? huh? its ur first? uwhat you may think is love right this second is probabily gonna feel like infatuation when ur like thirty,

Ditch says:

you have no previouse experiance, and if you do its very litte, and unless i'm missing something you are not psychic so you can't know whats feelings are ahead

Ditch says:

so how do you know unless you just feel something and would like to believe its love so much you just convinced yourself?

mending says:

why second guess what ou feel rich? you could do that all your life. i just belive what i feel right now.

Ditch says:

what is love but a fucked up chemical reaction of the brain trying to get the speacies to procreate

mending says:

cos i thought iwas in love before. it wasn't. ididn't make myself a doormat and i wouldn't ahve brought him the moon if he had asked.

Ditch says:

how do you know that love? where did someone teach you the feeling of love?

mending says:

with steven - i did both.

Ditch says:

no one ever did so how do you know?

mending says:

i dont. i just believe in what i feel

mending says:

its like asking me why i believe in god

Ditch says:

steven made you feel 'A' way, where does that say it was love?

mending says:

cos i believe in what i feel

mending says:

he made me feel many ways

Ditch says:

dont get me started on that cunting mother fuckl'ik;luh

mending says:

i could pick which one was love out of it

mending says:

ok

mending says:

i think we shoudln't

Ditch says:

it hurts so much it wont get out of my head, love? never a perdson like me is deprived of love so i can get through with it

Ditch says:

i want it to stop hurting

mending says:

so do i -- all i manage to do is distance myself

mending says:

i guess all it is is time. sally todl me to staop being brave. and if i wanted to cry, to do it. just to run with my feelings

mending says:

the problem is, if i do taht, i stop doing everything else i'm supose dto be doing

mending says:

fuck this fucker mother fucking shit

mending says:

've had enough

mending says:

i've had enouigh of outting you guys throught with me, and i've had enough of feeling it

mending says:

so whats new with you?

Ditch says:

the blackness if spilling over

fuck this fucker says:

how you handling it?

Ditch says:

i don't remeber if i did handle it, i just wake up half way throught he day and everythign is gone

fuck this fucker says:

so by blackness.... what do you mean exactly?

Ditch says:

just that blakness, like the odity of not being

fuck this fucker says:

you dont remember? remember whats been happening?

Ditch says:

no, i remeber, but itslike its not me, its someone else riving

fuck this fucker says:

i dont know what to say rich

fuck this fucker says:

but like you, i feel for my friends

Ditch says:

thanx

fuck this fucker says:

its what we do

fuck this fucker says:

its the ppl we are

fuck this fucker says:

your welsome

Ditch says:

but i don't know who i am any more, i spen most of my life lieing to cover up what people dion't want to hear

fuck this fucker says:

the n you are livina lie

fuck this fucker says:

it hard living hte truth, but i am trying

fuck this fucker says:

fuck anyone who cant lisetn to the truth

Ditch says:

but in ways you can't listen to the truth either

fuck this fucker says:

it can be hard, but if we cant listen to it, then we're just lying

Ditch says:

and sometimes thats best

fuck this fucker says:

no - i refuse to lie

fuck this fucker says:

by notsyaing what you feel, your lying

fuck this fucker says:

i've done that enough

fuck this fucker says:

fuck it

fuck this fucker says:

its what got me heer in the first place

Ditch says:

even so, sometimes its for the best

fuck this fucker says:

fuck it

fuck this fucker says:

sorry rich - i just hat ethinsg not eing said. too much of that happend wit hme

Ditch says:

well i'm sorry if i don't keep lying a lot of people that i love are gonna end up in a lot of pain

fuck this fucker says:

they'll be there eventually anyway

Ditch says:

maybe but at least i can enjoy it while it lasts

fuck this fucker says:

i guess

fuck this fucker says:

i love you rich

fuck this fucker says:

dont forget that

fuck this fucker says:

its why i'm stll freinds withyou

Ditch says:

you remember that night at ryans when i got two fortune cookies wit the same thing written on them and i ripped them up?

fuck this fucker says:

yes

Ditch says:

They said, (no shit) The oppertunity is here now take it or it may never come again.

fuck this fucker says:

so what was teh opportunity your ripped it up for?

Ditch says:

i let the oppertunity go by, because it saved a lot of pain, only the thing was wrong it keeps coming back

mute says:

what opportunity rich?

Ditch says:

one i have to keep letting go of

mute says:

ok - you'd raher not say

mute says:

its ok

Ditch says:

i wanna say but its best if i don't

mute says:

i accept that rich

mute says:

your choice

mute says:

but i can hear it if you need to say it

Ditch says:

you have no idea how much i feel i need to say this. thats why i cant let go of the subject, i keep it in conversation on the off chance i might just blurt it out, is that sad or what

mute says:

no

mute says:

its not

mute says:

i do the same

mute says:

well blurt it out

mute says:

just ay it

mute says:

i promise i will still be here after you say it

Ditch says:

you know i'm loosing my mind right?

Ditch says:

can't keep track of things anymore

mute says:

yes - i know you feel taht

Ditch says:

people i know become strangers

Ditch says:

strangers become people i know

Ditch says:

and i know i wont be around for much longer unless i can get a grip on something

mute says:

and?

Ditch says:

and when i go, what will you do?

mute says:

i will go on like i have to. i have o choice, my instinct is to survive. buti will hurta long time and battle going on

Ditch says:

well... Before the hospital i had a bit of a crush on you ( i can usualy hide these things well) in the hospital i saw how great you were how strong you were also, After the hospital i was just glad to have you as you, then when steven came along i was happy that you werte happy, no ur not happy, and everytime i see you i just wanna hold you, take you away from the world. keep you safe,

Ditch says:

cuz in many ways i love you far more than i'm ready to deal with, so i push it down, and try to forget it, and know i'm here, nearly sertifiably insane, and i know we could never be together the way i think we should, so i try to krrp my distance and just help where i can

mute says:

and i'm not going anywhere

mute says:

you think you can hide these things? rich???? no, you let slip. i know. i feel it in you when you hug me, when you smile at me, yur care for me is so strong. and i value it so imensly

mute says:

but i am not to be hidden away. i have to feel these things cos it is life

mute says:

and no matter hwo insane you get, i'll still be here

Ditch says:

but i may not be, and its getting to the point were i think it would be best if i jsut,,,, i can't end that sentance without sounding 100% clecheid

mute says:

i'm not sure where hat sentance shoudl end

mute says:

what cliche?

Ditch says:

every cliche you can think of

mute says:

hehe

Ditch says:

funny huh? yea thats what i do make a joke and pretend nothing was said,

mute says:

it was a weak laugh

mute says:

but yuo cant luagh weakly on this

Ditch says:

so a horsze walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Fuck off i'm listening to this psycho guy talk about love!"

mute says:

i know i am

mute says:

so that bloody horse can fuck off

mute says:

and you cant pretend. you said it. so what opportunity then?

Ditch says:

YOU! you fuck stain you where right fucking there, and what did i do? nothing

mute says:

staini was?

mute says:

stain i was?

Ditch says:

the other way around it tangets, arnt they so use full

mute says:

sorry, i'ma littel lost. stain? aren't what useful?

Ditch says:

i want calling you a stain, i was venting, sorry, and tan-jets, you know going around the main avenue of talking by taking little back streets

mute says:

ok, i see

mute says:

what were you to do?

mute says:

what were you supposed to do?

mute says:

what do you think you could've done

mute says:

?

Ditch says:

i don't think i shoulda been there

mute says:

where exactly?

mute says:

when i was with him. wheni have broken up with him, to talk to?

mute says:

simply you should;'ve just disappeared?

Ditch says:

no at ryans

mute says:

yes, you being there was important to me, whether or not you came cos you were just coming to ryan's anyway, it wa simportant for me to have my freidns with me

mute says:

and to belong to the i hat esteven club

mute says:

and for youto fall over, and for me to care

Ditch says:

i may have gone to see ryan, but i stayed for the wrong reasons

mute says:

you stayed cos you cared

mute says:

and cos iw anted you to saty

Ditch says:

a little to much

mute says:

it doesn't matter how much

mute says:

theimportant thing was i needed you, you werethere

mute says:

it doesn't matter at all how much, too littel or too much. what matters is you cared

Ditch says:

don't you get it? i'm a fraud, you whant friends, i wanted more, i just always stopped before i did something stupid

mute says:

it doesn't amtter how much you wanted. the power layed with me too. i saw. and i stopped it too.

mute says:

and it doesn't matter to me what we are, as long as you're in my life

mute says:

it sounds silly, and i dont really knwo what i'm saying cos hwo can expect you to be afreid when we both know you want more. but i guess its coming from my perspective on steven. i'm going to want more for along time, and i want him in my life. so for him to be in my life, i have to stop to

mute says:

i know tahts wrong comparing, but i know what yoursaying. your not a fraud

mute says:

yous aid it all. just not with words

mute says:

you said it with actions. a lot more powerful

mute says:

you said it with your eyes and your smiles

mute says:

and shoudl have said something back

Ditch says:

when?

mute says:

whenever i needed to

Ditch says:

you've lost me, said what back?

mute says:

i'm not sure

Ditch says:

i wish you were

mute says:

me too

Ditch says:

:\

mute says:

i think what i needed to have said is... all i can be with you right nwo is freinds

mute says:

but you know that. or at laest fromwhat your saying i think you do

Ditch says:

i know that, and the likly hood of it changing is not good

Ditch says:

but i just feel like everytime i see you i'm lying

mute says:

your nt

mute says:

not

mute says:

you say it all. i just dont acknowledge it

Ditch says:

well that good i supose

mute says:

yeah - its being truthful

mute says:

i guess i know cos when i feel it i put up barriers to prtect ne

mute says:

me

mute says:

and i only do it wheni feel it

mute says:

and i've felt it with you

mute says:

so i put up barriers so we neever find ourselves there

mute says:

buti guess i slipped once. not hru anything apart from beieng me, but i still slipped

Ditch says:

realy, wow you lern something new everyday

mute says:

its somethingi do automatically

mute says:

i do it with every new make freind until i getto know themn

mute says:

and our relationship

mute says:

i always put downa line they prolly cant feel, buti am so aware of

mute says:

i did it with stebven a long time

mute says:

then something just chnged

mute says:

cant explain that

mute says:

he was to me what you are

Ditch says:

you slipped, i never felt that

mute says:

and i coudl never see something happend

mute says:

i didn't open the qusetion to us, i opened the question up to others.

mute says:

last may

mute says:

and when i todl you about my past, that wasn'ta slip, but that was letting down a wall

mute says:

and i'm gla di did it

Ditch says:

yea, that hurt, but i'm glad i know too, thanx for trusting me

mute says:

you eraned it

mute says:

i truste dsal last night

mute says:

didn't go too deep

Ditch says:

erand? thats a funny usage

mute says:

just let him know whyi felt so betrayed

mute says:

earned

mute says:

you've been and area freind i can trust

mute says:

with anything

mute says:

its whyi talked to you about steven even tho i knew it hurt you

mute says:

and that was wrong i guess, but i trusted yo

mute says:

and i needed you

Ditch says:

it wasn't wrong, you know me, pains a close friend i keep inviting back

mute says:

yeah, but i knew yours and rynas feelings on steven, and i shoudln't have kept you close on that one

mute says:

but when we weren't anymore. i needed my friends, i needed you both

Ditch says:

no, i can always seperate my feeling fro steven with your ex-boyfriend anytime i wanted

mute says:

yeah

mute says:

i know

mute says:

i knew it was wronmg, buti knew yo and ryan could

mute says:

its why i did

mute says:

i just didn't wnat you both to keep hurtinh with me

Ditch says:

thats all i ever wanted was to hurt for you

Ditch says:

that sounded kindas creepy i didn't mean it that way

mute says:

you did it plenty

mute says:

remember the hospital?

mute says:

that was enough hurting for a lifetime

Ditch says:

how could i forget

Ditch says:

i told you how i felt that first night we came to the emergancy room, i was kinda glad you don't remember that night after wards,

mute says:

i dont remember any of those first nights or nights after

mute says:

that used to frustrate steven. how i coudl frget things. i just get blanks. starting then

Ditch says:

it was only the once, we all thought you was gonna die, and ryan couldn't handle it, so it was just me, you and that green mucas you kept puking up

mute says:

what happend?

mute says:

what did you say?

Ditch says:

a lot of things, it was kinda end of the world stuff, more funny now than anything

mute says:

hehehe

mute says:

all i was think ing was.... ahh my head

Ditch says:

no, it was more like, BLAHHHHHHGURGLE!

mute says:

hahaha

Ditch says:

see humour the great un painer

mute says:

yeah

mute says:

yeah i guess

Ditch says:

the music i'm listening to right now so suits the conversation

mute says:

what you listening to?

Ditch says:

Static X, december, its morbid melody with confusion and static in the background

mute says:

yeah sounds baout right

mute says:

how you doin?

Ditch says:

dirty shade of green

mute says:

hmm, that says enough

Ditch says:

how about you?

mute says:

something something

mute says:

like a greyish yellow

mute says:

almost obsuriy

mute says:

obsurity

Ditch says:

do u mean obscurity or is that just a word i don't know?

Ditch says:

wish i could say something make it all go away

mute says:

obscurity

mute says:

no, you cant

mute says:

i just wsh it had a switch

mute says:

i guess its jsut wheni disntance myself

mute says:

<FONT face="Maiandra GD" colo
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